Kamis, 04 Maret 2010
I'm sorry I love you
You're gone and I'm alone... 11:34
26 more minutes and it will be a new day
A new day but the same day
The same people, the same self
The same dashed hopes,
the same let down right after the other
the same inadequacies, the same life
the same lovelessness
the same longing, and utter desire, despair for something real, for something right
The same longing for you.
But in 26 more minutes it will have been 3 weeks
Exactly 3 weeks since I said it
21 days since I told you
A thousand years since I've been waiting for you to tell me something back
An eternity until I will ever find you.
You're not going to take me are you?
11:41
Only 19 minutes left
You said a few weeks. A few weeks to figure it out
19 minutes, and it will have been three.
But if you don't know by now, I don't believe you could want it
Because you don't
I don't want to start crying.
No, not yet
There are still 17 minutes left
11:43
Why?
Why don't I want to start to cry yet
17 minutes will not change what weeks could not
I'll still be sitting in the corner of my bedroom, on the floor, by the closet.
The drafty windows will still be letting in the cold air.
The phone will still stay silent.
I will still be alone.
And you will be missing
I will still be wanting you
Without you wanting me back.
I wish I could go back
Back to when you liked me
Back to when I was good enough.
Now somehow I'm not. I don't understand.
Have I really changed?
Or did you just start to see the real me?
Did you leave when you found out too much?
You left
You left when you realized I wasn't right
Just like everyone does.
And I can't understand it
I can't understand why no one ever wants to stay around me
Why is it that they never want to hold on for that long
What am I doing wrong
Really. Tell me.
I can't take this anymore
Just tell me why I only have things for the time it takes for me to realize I love them?
Just tell me why you don't think I'm good enough anymore
You're the only person I believe.
You're the only friend who hasn't lied to my face
You're the only one that makes me feel special when you tell me I am
You're the only one I trust
So when you don't think I'm good enough, it hurts
It really hurts
And I just want to know why
Why can't I ever be good enough
11:56
4 more minutes. You aren't going to change your mind in 4 minutes, are you?
No. You won't
But you would never tell me that
Because you don't want to hurt me
Which is why I love you so much
And why it hurts me even more
The fact that you care and I know that you care but you still don't want to have me
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for not knowing you liked me last year
And for hurting you
I'm sorry
Not because I think if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be hurting now
But because I care about you
I love you
And I always end up hurting the people I love
I'm sorry I love you
12:01
1 minute passed
I'm sorry
It's hopeless
